A Donor Discussion and A Lesson on Giving

For the growing number of folks I have told that I have become an egg donor, it's almost comical to hear their reactions to it. Most people don't think it's a good thing to do- their decision made mostly out of ignorance on the subject.

I'm not calling you ignorant. Read on.

Why did I really start to do this? Okay kids, story time.

Once upon a time in a far away land one of my dearest friends married her sweetheart. She wanted to start the family within a few years. Once settled in their first home, they decided to start trying for a baby. And they tried. And tried. And tried. No baby.
I never wanted children. Not any time soon anyway. I had a career which needed grooming, life settling that needed to be done- and children were not a part of that plan. But life had a different itinerary. In a few quick moves found myself married and a mother of one. All before my best friend had her first. What agony.
That's when it came to me. Why is that there are people out there that desperately want children, who deserve children, but cannot have them? Cancer patients in remission have barely a chance of getting pregnant. Folks with other medical concerns are also in the same bucket. I told my friend that came hell or highwater we were going to get her a few kids, even if it took my uterus to do it!

On the day my friend was to seek more advanced medical advice to conceive, she found out she was pregnant. But the seed had already been planted (no pun intended) in my head. I wanted to help others.
So, after an application modeling that for your top secret clearance entry, genetic testing, every other testing possible, I was approved.
Even though my best friend never needed help (she now has two darling children) it has made me thrilled knowing that others can now be happy.

Painful? Not really.
Surgery? No.
Do I think there are 50% "Me's" out there? No. It takes two to tango.
Will I be able to have more children if I so choose? Absolutely.

And a message from your local fundraising professional and friend:

If you do nothing else, give. Give to something you believe in. You don't have to give body parts (really, don't go crazy), but give of your time, your knowledge, your wallet to something that you are passionate about. And if you don't know what that is, take a moment to reflect on something you couldn't do without. Then think of someone that may not have it. Education. Health. Basic services. Job assistance. Clothing. Food. It's always a great base to start your philanthropic efforts.

Here's to 2011

So, another year has come and gone. Super. But what a dynamic year it was. My dreams of being the smallest I've ever have been did NOT come to fruition. I did not read more. I didn't follow through with drinking a gallon of water a day... but then again- don't I sound like the majority of the population when discussing past New Year's resolutions?
I say it was a bit dynamic because I did do a few things I normally don't do on a regular basis.

I started a new job- a great job at that. Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary at the College and I couldn't be happier. I do resolve to sign up for at least ONE class though (be it I work for a community college- it just makes sense, right?)

I became an egg donor for a local fertility center. And how exciting that was! To know that I helped three couples potentially to have children just rocks my inner world like there is no tomorrow. If you want to have a babe, you should be able to have one is my strong belief- just as I believe in the 180 of that sentence. If I can do something simple and temporary to help someone else accomplish that, why not? As we start 2011, I am on step to helping out another couple in January.
Are there any downsides to this? A few. My body becomes a little out of whack for a couple months in total- some weight gain, tiredness, okay- maybe moody (but that's only out of my husband's mouth). But the end result- I'm back to normal, someone else is pregnant.

In other news. I buried two grandparents in 2010. Something I would not like to repeat in 2011; which would be a bit tough since I'm running out of grandparents. Moral of the story- less death this year would be appreciated.

I turned 30. That, will never be repeated. Thank God.

I started golfing. This I have learned from this new sporting hobby: 1) I desperately need lessons and 2) I have no patience for 18 holes worth of golf.

So, maybe the class I sign up for is golf- or a workout class to achieve what I just couldn't pull off in 2010- a great game of golf and a smaller waistline.

My other loosely gathered 2011 resolution: Push my friends to get out and hang out more- whatever that means- in person, on the phone whatever to get a closer bond with that group of people you need in your life. Life is too short to spend it with just yourself.

Perhaps get on here and bitch more or let you in on how my wheels are turning.
Find the calm amongst the chaos.

Here's to my ramble of 2010. I welcome you, 2011, and all that it will become.

It's Friday- Crap!

I've had one of those weeks that didn't want me to leave work for the weekend. After being engrossed in a few very promising and strategic meetings this week, (and a few that weren't- don't we all?), it left me with loose ends not tied up prior to leaving the office today. That drives me nuts. Now, many people would have one of two answers to Friday afternoon dilemma. First would be to say, "Well, you know what you have waiting for you when you get into work on Monday." The second would say, "Well, hell, throw it in the briefcase, you'll draft it up over the weekend so you don't have to worry about it come next week."
Eeyah.. I am not a "first responder". It kills me to "leave it hangin'" on the desktop over the weekend; probably because I will think of about 30 new concepts to add to that project/proposal/draft, and I know myself well enough to know that I certainly will not remember all of these absolutely brilliant ideas come Monday.
However, I can't easily be the "second responder", and here is why. From the moment I get in my car on my way home, my mindset changes from cultivation and solicitation appointments (and that briefcase full of great work to do) to "Did I grab an extra two granola bars this morning for the boys for afternoon snack on their way home? Is Mason's blankie in the car? Did I pull chicken to defrost for dinner tonight? Where is my bluetooth? When did my oil change light come on? Is someone's birthday this weekend?"
You get the point.
So, what is a full-time employed, full-time mother of two preschool aged children, barely insane, yet functioning wife, to do on a regular basis when faced with these dilemmas? Well, I've seen many people be the "first responder" and many be the "second responder"- to both success and failure.
Some, (albeit few in our niche), have the ability to mentally remember all of those great, fabulous thoughts over the weekend, file them, focus on life outside of work and resume as normal on Monday. Fantastic. Kudos to you .00002 percent of the population.
I've also seen others that just say, "Oh, I'll deal with it on Monday." And then Monday becomes Tuesday, to Wednesday and by Thursday when you remember a glimmer of that fantastic idea from last week (what day did I think of that anyway?) just went from a tropical storm to a summer breeze.
When your life loves your job and you love your life because your job reflects your life, you can justifibly take (some) moments to work on that uber-important proposal on a Saturday night after the kids are in bed (but before Weekend Update of SNL) and your husband is watching his 4th college ball replay game of the day. You can also justifibly take those weekends to focus on more important things- like kicking the ball in the backyard, bringing the kids to that cool festival downtown, or potty training (or cleaning up from potty training). You will return to work either way knowing that you made the right decision this weekend. It's not work to live, it's not live to work- it's love work that loves you and lets you live- weekend work or not.

And what did I do this afternoon to plan for the weekend? Well, I filled the briefcase- it's still in the car, or maybe it's in the house next to the macaroni T-Rex creation... plus, I can't forget to add.. what was it.. to that proposal for Monday- oh, it'll come to me!

Sidetracking Dreams or Just Giving It A Rest?

There are moments when we all think we know what we want to do for the rest of our lives. Right now, I think I will be in Fundaising and Non-Profit for the rest of my life. And that probably will be the case. Unless, I get the opportunity to open another restaurant, or go to law school, or win the lottery and stay home with my kids, or be a consultant, or...

You get the point.

I was talking with a friend of mine today who is nearing the end of current job in education. I asked her for a job update this morning and she told me she had an offer at a great (non-educational) company in the area. But she started to cry. "I'm leaving my lifelong dream. But I have to think about what my family needs right now. And how do I know that I can even do this job?"

I explained to her that when I got the offer at the College, it was the greatest, scariest day I ever had. College level fundraising. With one of the biggest organizations in the county. The Big Show. I thought for sure they had made a mistake and I was going to fall flat on my face.

"Now how do you feel?" she asked.

"Taking that job was the best decision I could have made. I know that it prevents me from tucking my kids in every single night, or picking them up from school sometimes. But I hope they see that my success is their benefit in the long run and have more respect for me because of it. And at that place, falling on your face is simply not an option. There is always a safety net of support beneath you."

One often forgets that an average human has a multitude of different dreams- in the same night. I believe that carries into our waking hours, too. So, try something different, or get stuck in a great dream for a while- either way, you'll be glad you did.

Wisdom Defined

I am a great example to tell you what wisdom isn't today. A wise person does not wait 15 years in between having their top and bottom wisdom teeth removed. At sixteen, I had a stay at home mother to take care of me while I set up camp on the pull-out couch in the living room. Couldn't miss me- donned in two bandanas tied together with pea packs on either side of my mouth. I was perched there as my mother was too afraid to let me go up and down the basement stairs where my bedroom was located. She was there to giggle at me when I had my dose of pain medicine and I thought I was invinsible enough to crunch on a carrot. She was there to keep the fudgicles frozen and the oatmeal coming. For a whole week.

At 30- not quite the case. 12 hours before going under the dental lights, my husband was diagnosed with a classic case of Influenza. Temperature at 102, aches, exhaustion, lack of appetite and energy. In fear that my children were to be down with the same thing by the next day, I sent him off to the bedroom and haven't really seen him since Tuesday. I wasn't going to rely on him too much for the remainder of the week- but at minimum to help out with picking up the kids the afternoon of my surgery and maybe pajama patrol.
So, this flu-event has left me to re-freeze my own pea ice packs, wrap the scarf around my own head and scoop my own ice cream- not to mention whatever else I juggle daily (breakfast, drop off, pickup, dinner, bath, pj's, reading, bed). I slept on the couch last night not because I couldn't walk down a set of stairs, but because I was avoiding the Influenza Man.

One thing that I can tell you is self-reliance is king. When all else fails, you can rely on yourself.

This is all taking place during my spring break vacation- I'm thinking now I will be taking additional personal days shortly after this "break"- I don't think many would blame me, really.

And did I mention that my mother left to return to Maine, the day before my teeth were taken out? Now, that's wise.

A Blog Confessional

It has been five months since I've last blogged.-please forgive me. I am vowing to spend a bit more time here, especially since life is in a better place.

The day after I posted last, I found the perfect job at the perfect location, posted online. By the end of that weekend, they had my application. I made it a point to be in front of the decision makers three times before I even interviewed and rose to the top of 6 finalists, making it official on December 18th:

"Lisa, we're delighted to offer you the position at the Foundation. You are welcome to start on January 1st, but I'm sure that'll be too-"I cut her off, "I'll start on the first. I'll finish up things there easily by the end of the month. Thank you. I am so happy to be a part of your organization."

I hung up the call and burst into tears. It had happened. I was leaving the misery on my terms, not theirs. Within an hour of that phonecall, I had proudly delivered my pre-printed resignation letter in the hands of my boss. He was just as happy as I. We were finally free of one another.

It's now been three full months since I started my new gig and I couldn't be happier. I have my own tasks to accomplish, my own activities I organize and run and I've even raised a few bucks for them, too. All of the women I work with are fantastic- and for the most part, are all packing a full workload, a couple of kids, sport schedules and husbands to some degree. So, when the school rings your cell phone at the wrong time during that meeting, we just utter the name of our child, grab our keys and go- we all understand and appreciate that we understand what we all are up against every day. I have found you- you women life jugglers- I knew there were more than just two of us.

And we've added soccer to our lives. But that's for another blog.

What Doesn't Kill Us...

makes me really start to question what actually will. I recently went through an agonizing time at work where I was told on less than 48 hours notice that my job was to be eliminated due to "financial strain of the organization." Let me just remind those interested that my job is to raise the dollars for the organization. If you shoot the horse, who's going to pull the cart? Needless to say, I refused to take the "elimination" letter, made some phonecalls, and by Monday, retained my position.
But that really started to put a few things into perspective. For one, it re-confirmed that no-one is truly safe in this "mess"- and we all know what that "mess" is, right? With the September unemployment numbers out, at an enlightening 9.8%- I, over the course of that weekend, was convinced that I was going to be that one putting it at 9.9% by October.

Secondly, it made me realize how much I really miss, and am going to continue to, miss my family and free time. I thought I would be able to transition out of my "part-time gigs" that I do for pocket cash to spend more time with my children and husband, that idea had to be thrown out the window on I-97, after I left my boss' office that afternoon. It made me make MORE phonecalls to my side job prospects to let them know that I'm still available to help out with whatever and whereever they could fit me in.

Lastly, to call those whom I have built a relationship with through this job, to tell them I am looking for another, was about out of the question and a very dicey card to play, especially in the small city I work in. Ultimately, I gained these relationships because of their alliance with the organization, not me. But now, well, I now have gone through that perpetual stack of business cards that never seems to get organized, and picking up the phone.

You have to be fearless in this world now, as much as it hurts and makes you feel like your naked on stage. I have to see that as an opportunity.